cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
