biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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