just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
