sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
