I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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