Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
