Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
