WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
