wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
