Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
