walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
