Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
