so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we're making bets on your personal life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize