I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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