TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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