FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think your dad took our porno
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
