I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
