is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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