Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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