sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
