Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You are the jesus of drinking
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
