mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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