Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
