omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
