Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
