allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
