there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
