HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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