My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
