There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize