yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and she was petting her beer can
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
