Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
