Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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