After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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