So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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