Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
