I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
