I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
