so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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