Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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