hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
