1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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