May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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