And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He had one of those small greek statue penises
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize