walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize