I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
