Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
