: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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