You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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