we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
