Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize