Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
