My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
