allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
