I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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