from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
