Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
