Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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