If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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