my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
