somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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