How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
