I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
