he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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