not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
