It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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